1 thing
by Sonslover101
Summary: After what Liv's been through, she begins to realize who she really needs.
1. Chapter 1

She knew what was happening… the pain, she had felt it before. He looked at her as he did it, screaming at her, about how much he enjoyed it…

Liv woke up in a hot sweat, her heart racing. Lewis couldn't get her, she kept reminding herself. She couldn't stand it, the constant fear, the nightmares, her life was slipping from her, and she was being controlled by this fear.

Of course she wasn't going to talk to anyone about it, it's Liv. She never was the type of person to put her feelings and struggles out there, she just couldn't ever trust people that deeply. There was, of course one person she knew she could trust no matter what, Elliot. But she wasn't about to call him and have him come down, they had barely talked since he left, much less seen eachother. They did send a text every now and then to check in and make sure they both knew there was still something there for them.

She got up and walked into the kitchen, pouring herself some coffee. On the microwave she could see that it was 3 in the morning. She exhaled deeply as she sat down on the couch, turning on the tv. She thought about her life, and what she wanted. She always thought that by this time in her life she'd be married, with kids, and be happy. She didn't want to think it, but as she sat there the words glided through her mind. "The only time i've ever been truly happy was when Elliot was here."

On her way to work that morning it was all she could think about. She felt stupid that she was missing him so much considering that they never dated, or had a sexual relationship. It was hard to explain, but they somehow had a love deeper than any couple, it was like they knew eacother so well, and had spent so much time together that they were dating, but without the title, and some of the things that go along with it. They were always right there, on the verge of making that decision, but they never went farther, the timing just was never right. There was also the fear that being together would somehow ruin things.

Liv tried to forget about it as she walked into the office. It had only been a week since it happened, so everyone still acted very fragile toward her. She hated it, feeling like she couldn't do anything herself. The only person she didn't hate it from was Fin, because he did it in a way that didn't make her feel inferior, rather just cared for.

She sat down at her desk feeling the eyes on her. She logged into her computer as her phone dinged. A part of her thought that it'd be Elliot, maybe by some miraculous coincidence. But it was just Barba, sending her the new case information. She sighed as she looked back at her computer. She checked her email, still something inside of her hoping something from Elliot would pop up. Her phone rang and she picked up. "Hey Barba what's up?" "ok, you remember how we had that case with all the girls with tattoos?" "yeah" "well, the tattoos were like branding them, and they each had a different one with one similar mark on the bottom. Well our latest victim has a tattoo with the exact same detail on the bottom." "ok, see if you can figure out who gave the tattoo, we might get a lead from them."

The rest of the day went by slowly, Liv did work, and more work. It wasn't busy, and Liv's mind started to drift off again. Suddenly a memory from a few years back came in. Sonja had just been killed, and Liv was doing her best not to let the tears flow freely down her face. She remembered turning that corner and seeing him walking towards her. "I'm so glad you're back" she said, the tears now flowing. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her, Liv feeling the comfort of being in his arms. As she snapped back out she realized there was a tear building up in her eye, she went to bathroom before anybody could see her, and closed the door. She sat down on the floor, and buried her face in her hands. She had had problems trusting people her entire life, so she never got very close with anyone. This feeling of missing someone so much was something she never felt until Elliot left. She stayed there awhile, waiting until the tears dried.

She went back out about 30 minutes later, and prayed that nobody would notice. She sat down, and just as she did, Cragen called her into his office. She walked in and sat down. "What's up Cap?" she said. "Well Liv, I don't want to bring this up or anything, and i'm fully expecting yo to get mad, but I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. You know I care about you, so I wanna make sure that i'm doing everything I can to help you." She thought for a minute, knowing she couldn't say that she was fine. " well, I think i'm doing as expected, but being at work helps." she said. Cragen sat a minute, and looked her in the eyes. "You know that if there is ever anything you need or want, that you can come to me." His words made her tear up a bit, and seeing this Cragen walked over and put his arm around her. "I'm always here" he said.

Liv packed up her things getting ready to leave for the day. She quickly stopped at her mailbox and grabbed the multitude of things inside, then went out to her car. She forgot about the mail, setting it down on the table when she got home. She went to change into comfortable clothes, and sat down at the table. She went through the letters, not really caring or thinking about what was in them. She accidentally dropped one as she sifted through, and as she bent to pick it up the name made her stop in her tracks. She quickly but carefully opened the letter, and began to read. "Hey Liv, I have been sitting here for a while thinking about what to write to you, and how to say what I want to say, but I realized that you would rather me just say it the way I would want to. So, I have become aware of what happened, and I first want to say that i'm truly, deeply sorry. I was so angry when I was told. I'm here for you, alright? I don't care if it's midnight, or 4 in the morning, no matter where I am, or what i'm doing, I am here for you. I'm not saying that you need me, but I know that in life there aren't many others willing to do what I would for you. Please send me a message letting me know that you got this, I know that you aren't dependent on me, and I don't know if you needed this or not, but I needed to make sure you knew this. And always remember, I love you. Elliot."

The tears were like a waterfall, rushing down her face. She had never felt this way before, somehow his words, and his caringness was for once exactly what she needed. Everybody else just made her mad, but he knew exactly what to say that needed to be said. She had that feeling again, of love. It trumped the pain, she only needed to hear I love you from him once, to feel so incredibly loved. Because as she had already known, his love was the only love she ever truly needed.


	2. Chapter 2

She didn't know what to say, I mean what do you say? I got your text thanks? No too normal. As she sat there thinking of what to say, she got a text. Elliot: hey, did you get my letter? She was amazed at how great the timing was. Liv: yeah, I've been sitting here trying to figure out what to say to you for 10 minutes. Buzz Elliot: have you figured it out yet? Liv: yes. Thank you, I have to be honest that was all I needed to hear. To be honest I really really miss you. After a moment of him not responding she got worried that she shouldn't have said that. Buzz Elliot: I really miss you too, probably more. Would you get mad if I flew down? Liv felt it in her heart as she read it. He really cared. Liv: I would love it if you came down truthfully. A few texts later she set her phone down, trying to understand how she suddenly felt so normal, considering all that had happened.

She still,of course, woke up at 1 panting, another nightmare. She didn't know when they would ever stop, it had been every night since it happened. She consitantly found it impossible to get away from. She still had bruising, and tears. She still feared going anywhere alone. She still thought of that laugh every time she heard someone laugh. She was constantly surrounded by this fear, and it was taking over her life.

She waited at the terminal, excited to see him, but still in her prior state. As she watched the people come off the plane she saw his face. The feeling she had was indescribable. It was almost impossible to control her urge to run up and hug him. He saw her instantly and smiled as he walked toward her, pulling her into a hug. Both of them felt the tears welling up. "I missed you so much" Elliot said,a tear falling down his let go and wiped their eyes. "I'm so happy you're here" Liv said as they began to walk.

Liv opened the door to her apartment and walked inside. "So, how you been holding up?" Elliot said. "You know, as well as expected I guess." Liv said. "Sorry, I'm sure people are asking you that all the time" He said, a little apologetic. "It's fine, thank you for caring" she said. "Why don't I go put my stuff away" Elliot said, walking to the guest bedroom. Elliot had gotten a divorce 2 years before, so he was staying at Liv's this time. He had come to see her 2 weeks after he had left, but his wife would not let him stay at Liv's.

After he got settled in he walked back out to Liv. "wanna go out to dinner or do you want me to make something here?" he said. "You don't have to cook for me, you're my guest" Liv said. She noticed herself almost smile as she said this. Something about being with Elliot made her feel much more normal.

They sat down at the restaurant and waited for the menus. They tried to find things to talk about other than what had happened. "So how's the crew?" Elliot said. "Pretty good, there are a few people for you to meet. And get this, we've kept an ADA for more than a year." Liv said. Elliot laughed at this. "Oh really? Remember that time that we literally only had a girl for a day?" he said while laughing. Liv found herself laughing at this memory, somthing she certainly didn't think she'd be doing anytime soon, if ever again. They continued to talk about funny memories from their time working together. "Ooh, remember the time that kid had a crush on you?" Elliot laughed, Liv too. "Oh god yes, he drew me a picture of us together haha" they spent the rest of the night talking about these things, and enjoying the memories.

They got home around 9, and since it was the first night they decided to go to bed right away, both were tired. "Good night Livie-love" Elliot said. Hearing this made her happy inside. She hadn't heard it in a long time. "Good night El" she said. That night, She found herself sleeping soundly the entire night, peaceful and happy.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was saturday, thank god. Liv loved work, and it got her mind off of her fear, but being in front of so many people who dealt with what she had been through was killing her. She woke up to hear Elliot singing justin bieber in the shower. She smiled, a feeling she realized she would soon have to get used to having Elliot around. "And I was like baby baby baby Oahahahahah" The high pitched screech sounded like some sort of messed up mating call.

As Liv poured her coffee Elliot walked into the kitchen. "How was your shower Justin?" Liv said with a laugh. Elliot looked at her and smiled. "What?" she said. "Nothing, it's just nice to see that smile for the first time in so long. I missed it most out of all the things I missed about you." He said, bluntly. Her lips curled up in a sweet smile that she tried to hide. "Well, if it weren't for you I wouldn't be smiling." after she said it she realized how open she had just been. But something about Elliot had always made it easy for her to open up like this.

The day was one of random. They had no plans, so they decided to just go out and walk around, and catch up a bit more. "So what have I missed? I see that somehow the station didn't fall apart without me." Liv laughed, "well, there has been a lot of change I guess. After you left I honestly had a really hard time. After you left, I didn't really have a partner again. New people came, but there was nobody that I worked exclusively with. Um, I became a sergeant, and have enjoyed a few promotions." she said. "What about you?" Elliot said. "What do you mean?" Liv asked confused. "Well, what about in your life, outside of work?" Elliot said. "Well, not much I guess." She said. "Oh." Elliot sounded rather sad, hoping she would talk of some sort of relationship, or something.

At the end of the block there was a coffee shop that they had often gotten coffee at together in the mornings. "Want to grab some coffee?" Elliot asked, a bit scared. "Sure" Liv said. As they walked in the cashier smiled. "Well look who it is. I haven't you two in here for years" She said, remembering them as regulars. "Yeah! We're back and ready for some coffee" Elliot said, trying to change the subject. This woman had always thought they were a couple, and it was really awkward for them. "What can I get for you two?" the woman asked.

They walked out, coffee in hand. "So where to next?" Liv asked. Elliot thought for a minute. "How about we do a little window shopping at the mall?" Liv smiled, "ok let's go." They walked around laughing at the teenagers with their selfie sticks and fidget spinners. They looked around a few stores, not really wanting to buy anything. "Going to the mall isn't as much fun as when we were kids is it?" Liv said. Elliot nodded his head. "Why don't we go grab some lunch, and then maybe we could go watch a movie or something."

At lunch they watched the chef use fire to cook their food. Liv laughed at how amused Elliot was. "El, how old are you?" she said. He just watched in amazement. Elliot laughed as Liv spit out some sushi in disgust. "Pluagh. I told you I wouldn't like it!" She said with a laugh. They opened their fortune cookies, and read them aloud. "You will remember this day for the rest of your life" Elliot read. "You will discover something new" Liv read. "Hopefully they are good things!' they both laughed.

Back at the house they put on anchorman, and old favorite of theirs. Liv made popcorn as Elliot got some blankets. 'Do you want butter?" Liv asked. "Whatever you want" he shouted from the living room. "Ok good because I was going to put butter on either way" she laughed. She walked out and set it on the table, sitting down on the couch.

They sat next to eachother normally for a while, laughing as the characters jumped around. At a certain point they had moved closer, and Elliot placed his arm around Liv. following this she laid her down on his shoulder, smiling to herself. They watched the rest of the movie like that, and by the time it was over Liv had fallen asleep. Elliot decided to wait for her to wake up, considering that he wanted to remember this forever.


	4. Chapter 4

Liv woke up the next morning in her bed. She instantly thought about last night, she remembered waking up in the middle of the night on Elliots chest. He woke up to the sound of her moving. "Hey" He said, rubbing his eyes. "Hey, how long have I been asleep?" she said. "Oh, not too long." Elliot said, lying. "Why don't you get to bed, I don't want to keep you up." Elliot said.

As she uncovered her sheets, she discovered she was bleeding. She hadn't had her period since it happened, the meds they had her on stopped it, a side effect she didn't mind. She just brushed it off and thought maybe it wouldn't stop it every time. She went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. As she stepped in, the steam enveloped her, hot on her skin. She thought about all that was happening. She couldn't understand how she felt so normal yesterday. She found that as long as Elliot was around, she felt safe. It wasn't just having somebody there, it was having HIM there. She stepped out and wrapped her towel around her. She looked in the mirror. Her figure was much slimmer than it had been before. She had been eating a lot less, and it was showing. Her doctor said that she had lost 20 had gone down a cup size, her thighs had a gap between them, and her stomach had been stripped of fat, all that was left was a scar. A thought that often came into her head was one she didn't like to think of. She had gotten the scar a year ago, after being hit by a suspect. The doctors told her the news, and it was indeed news. The thought that she had been pregnant for all of the 2 months before that baffled her, but the thought that she had lost it killed her. She didn't want to think about that now, it had been a year, and besides the time wasn't right. It was still something that popped up now and then, thoughts of what her life would have been like. She never told anybody though, not wanting them to know .

She forgot about it and went to the kitchen, realizing she was starving. She got all of the ingredients out, and decided to see if elliot wanted some breakfast. She walked into his room, seeing him lying there on his phone. He was watching some sort of fail video. She walked in laid beside him, both of them feeling oddly comfortable this way. "Well good morning" Elliot said, feeling her lay her head on his chest. "Good morning. Do you want some eggs?" She said, feeling at ease. "Sure, I haven't had a home cooked meal in a long time" He said with a smile. "What are you watching?" Liv asked. "It's just people falling down and doing stupid stuff" he said, laughing as a kid tried to jump over his car. "Why don't you watch it with me?" Elliot said, clearly enjoying this intimacy. "Ok" she said. They laid there together for a while, watching a few more videos and laughing.

At a certain point Liv got up, and Elliot followed. "So what are you making?" he asked. "Eggs, toast, whatever you want pretty much" she said walking towards the kitchen. "Ok, I want toast with caviar, oh and maybe some crab" He said with a childish grin. "Ha ha" Liv said sarcastically. "How about you be happy that i'm making anything, we both know cooking is not my forte" Liv said laughing.

As they sat down at the table Elliot was delighted to see that Liv still knew how he liked his eggs. "Over well, thank you!" he said. "Well, I decided not to be a total bitch today" Liv said. "So what's the plan for today?" Elliot asked. "I don't really know, I was thinking maybe we could just have a chill day?" Liv said. Elliot smiled "perfect".

"How many times have you seen that episode?" Liv asked with a laugh as Elliot knew exactly what the characters were about to say. "It's gonna be legen… wait for it wait for it… and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is Dairy." He said, clearly impressed with himself. "Like a million times, it's my favorite one" he said. "Clearly" Liv said with a smirk. They watched some old shows that they both had loved, reminiscing on the good times they had on friday nights after work when his wife had sports with the kids. They would sit at the couch watching tv and eating either pizza or chinese. They had both missed these times, when there was no question that they would be partners for life, and their lives would always be the way it was.


End file.
